Christmas Special: Trading Jokes

It is almost the end of the year guys so let’s finish it up on a positive note and have some laugh! Here are some trading jokes I really like 🙂 Funny thing is that most of them are pretty accurate. See for yourself:

*One of the jokes is actually mine. I think you will recognize it 🙂

Top ten reasons Forex people are the best lovers:

  • They’ll stick with a position for as long as it works.
  • They’ll switch positions without an argument.
  • They pay attention to every indicator they know for what to do next.
  • Know to ignore anything else that’s going on when the action deserves attention.
  • Knows what to do whether the trend is sideways, ascending or descending.
  • Avoids pairings they don’t understand.
  • Does everything they can to avoid getting a call in the middle of the action.
  • Knows to control risk (any parents out there?)
  • They never try to enter when they’re not ready.
  • Prepared to lose sleep to get in the action…24hrs a day.

Two traders are walking uptown from Wall Street en route to the subway. A mugger approaches them with a gun and demands all of their money. The one trader turns to the other and says, “Oh, by the way, here’s that $100 I owe you…”

There’s a surgeon, an architect and an economist. The surgeon said, ‘Look, we’re the most important. God’s a surgeon because the very first thing God did was to extract Eve from Adam’s rib.’ The architect said, ‘No, wait a minute, God is an architect. God made the world in seven days out of chaos.’ The economist smiled, ‘And who made the chaos?’

The market may be bad, but I slept like a baby last night. I woke up every hour and cried.

There are two things you are better off not watching in the making: sausages and econometric estimates.

– My broker has a new service where they will text you your balance.

– It’s cool, I just don’t think they should add “LOL” at the end.

A couple of thieves broke into my holiday apartment and stole 10,000 Euros. At least they didn’t take anything of any value.

If you put two economists in a room, you get two opinions, unless one of them is Lord Keynes, in which case you get three opinions.

Mr. Martingale and Miss Scalper go out on a date.
Mr. Martingale is thinking “just one more drink and I will have her in the sack”.
Miss Scalper is thinking “next time he leaves the tip I am out here”

Trading online is just great. I find it really speeds things up.
I now get my margin calls 5x faster than before

A market analyst is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today!

Q: Why did God create stock analysts?
A: In order to make weather forecasters look good.

‘All this internet trading has caused you to neglect your children!’ ‘What children?’

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who’s dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses this guy, “Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?”
The guy replies, “I’m Joe Cohen, stockbroker, of Noo Yawk City.”
Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the stockbroker, “Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.”
The stockbroker goes to Heaven with his robe and staff, and it’s the minister’s turn. He stands erect and booms out, “I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary’s for the last forty-three years.”
Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, “Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.”
“Just a minute,” says the minister. “That man was a stockbroker– he gets a silken robe and golden staff but I, a minister, only get a cotton robe and wooden staff? How can this be?”
“Up here, we work by results,” says Saint Peter. “While you preached, people slept; his clients, they prayed.”

If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster. (Clint Eastwood)

I hope you got a good laugh guys 🙂


Happy Trading


4 thoughts on “Christmas Special: Trading Jokes”

  1. Lots of good jokes Dale. Thanks. You forgot this one though.

    What’s the secret to making a small fortune in the stock market.

    Start with a large fortune.

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